Wednesday, July 05, 2006

What I know as I approach #77

Journal, July 5, 2006
What I know finally as I approach my 77th birthday.
I am an alien, a mystery to myself, wounded beyond recognition, even after a lifetime of meditation and self-reflection. Inner Space remains the great adventure.

I have experiences, desires, even wisdom and woundedness that others cannot or will know or understand. Ever, or accept.

It is simply not true that talking is always helpful. A cure for what ails us. Some things are better not said. Talking with a person who cnnot or will not understand your frame of reference, your context, your experience can be a downer. If cn also, if one has shared deep feelings, discourage. Feminists are simpol wrong when they beeilve that talking it out is sure to make it better. When you have lived with someone for 35-40 years there are annoying habits that are better not discussed. Somethings are better not shared with a life-partner. It is an illusion maintained by rude and crude people that because one thinks it, one has an obligation to say it.

I am certain that every experience is always unique to some degree, tho there are similaries and commonalities. We have all had the experience of being left out, dissed, or not heard, by others. But just as we can never put our foot in the same river, experience is not the same.

Yet we all judge others' experiences by our own, as this is our only frame of reference. Some of us are utterly convinced that no one can or could experience the pain that we have felt. That is both true and not true.

The problem arises when the others experience is too different or diverse from out own, we assume that the other is most likely insincere, pretending, or faking it in some way. My wife....e.g. after an argument. . .

Male - Female experience is quite diverse. Many marriages survive simply because of trade-offs made. Status qu stand-offs accepted. When you respect this boundary of mine, I will respect this boundary of yours. Inner Space is the Great Adventure. But our inner landscape is the scarey one because no agency teaches us the adventure or invites an exploration. No one teaches us how to begin the journey. We are taught repeatedly by culture and media that the outside is what is important. What we have and the way we look. No one in our circle teaches us about the Godhead within, the mystery of our Higher Power. Without that experience we are ready to judge another on the surface, by behavior that we do not or cannot understand.

Have we not all blocked out, paid little attention to loved ones we have hurt? That is, loved them my way, not the way they hoped to be loved? Regardless.

Are we not all self-centered and wounded? Without the inner journey we can never realize this.
We are also guided marvelously by a Higher Power, an inner Godhead, which summons loving and giving and forgiving. Generosity and Joy. Are we born for ourselves or for others? For the sake of relationship and loving, and even for loving mightily. WE are born for service, for learning how to love and how to work together to survive the mess we all find ourselves in.

There is a singular and painful loneliness that each of us carries. But still pieces of our journey can be shared and that piecemeal sharing is what can make the journey worthwhile. We have walked a few steps together and shared the scene. Sufficient.

Praise God for every blessing, every day, every moment.


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